The Moment I Knew

Sep 10, 2013

It started with an ear infection. It bothered me so badly that I had to visit the doctor for it. If you know me at all you know I avoid doctors unless absolutely necessary. It was bad. My husband had to work so I dropped him off that day and took the car to my appointment. The doctor said I needed antibiotics. Usually this would be no big thing. I took the prescription, picked it up at the pharmacy, and started to drive home.

Then it happened. A little voice in my head saying I shouldn't take the medication. The smarter, logical side of my brain said why not? There was no reason. My ear was aching so badly! The little voice said again, I shouldn't take it. All of the sudden everything started to fall into line in my head and I ran to a place of denial. It had been almost 6 weeks since my last period. Even on birth control my body was usually inconsistent, but 6 weeks was a lot. I turned the car around to get a pregnancy test, the whole way telling myself it was a waste of money and I didn't need to bother. It was silly to think I could possibly be pregnant right now. Still, that little voice had spoken, and like every woman who suddenly realizes her body isn't doing what it's supposed to, I needed confirmation.

I took the pregnancy test home and forced myself to use it. Then I laughed out loud at how paranoid I was being. And almost immediately threw up. But that wasn't a big deal, I'd had the flu for a few days... I thought. And almost on queue my breasts throbbed with an ache I usually only had during my period. But it was worse than normal. I shook off all the symptoms staring me straight in the eye. I was being silly. In a few minutes that test was going to come up negative and I would have a funny story for my husband when I picked him up that night.

I left the test in the bathroom and cleaned the house. I played with my puppy, I had a snack, and then I remembered the pregnancy test. I wasn't worried anymore. I knew I was making a big deal over nothing. But I refused to take my medication until I knew for sure it was safe. I'm very cautious when it comes to my body. So I went into the bathroom to throw away my negative test. I picked it up and glanced at the results. Then I stared.

I had trouble breathing.
I felt tears spilling down my cheeks and didn't bother to wipe them away.
I felt a small smile form on my lips.
I felt terrified and exhilarated.
It said positive.
It said I was pregnant.

And in that moment, my entire world changed.

xo Sue


  1. Chills and watery eyes. That moment is so special, and now that I've had a surprise one of my own, I know exactly the kind of denial that can come along with it when you're thinking it just can't be that.

  2. I totally cried reading that. I love the story behind how you found out and how your motherly instinct took over even before you realized you were pregnant! So great!

  3. totally brought a tear to my eye, love your story and the amazing picture :)

  4. god you make me want to be pregnant. ugh written so beautifully!

  5. what lovely story sue on how you learned you were pregnant with everly! So amazing that you had that little voice tell you not to take those meds. in my opinion, women have very strong intuitions! :)


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