It's been strange the last 6 months to not do updates about E. She is growing and changing every day and yet after the first year it seemed... strange. I don't know why. She's 18 months now and for those not counting, that means she's lived outside my belly for TWICE as long as she lived in it. She is truly the most amazing little girl. She loves to play, she has a wild heart, and she's fiercely independent. She loves to do things on her own. 

Over the past week she's started stringing words together. They're not quite sentences but they're something. She says 2-3 words together to really get her point across. And sometimes she says a word that I wonder how she even knows it! Beyond saying real words, she loves to talk and talk in her own language and loves when I respond. She tells the best stories. 

Everly loves to dance! If music comes on she instantly begins wiggling her little body along with it. She can't seem to help herself. She climbs on everything and always has a scrape or a bump somewhere on her body. She doesn't slow down. It's so much fun to watch her develop and explore the world around her. Some days it's exhausting to have such a high energy child but really, I wouldn't have it any other way. This is who she is. 

When I was pregnant the idea of breastfeeding was SO strange to me. The world tells me that my breasts are sexual objects and they should stay that way. Intentional or not, that's the message that young girls receive. Still, I knew all the amazing benefits that accompany breastfeeding, how good it is for your baby, and the cost comparison pretty much had me sold. I knew that I was going to attempt to form a breastfeeding relationship with my daughter. 

We were lucky. She had a great latch even in the beginning and although it took weeks for my nipples to become desensitized and callused enough to nurse without pain, Everly did amazing. As I watched my body nourish my baby I was in awe. What an amazing gift that women have to be able to feed their children with their bodies. Everly was even nursed once by a good friend when I couldn't be there to do it for her. Everly continued to grow and soon I had a fat little baby that loved her mama milk and nursing. 

At about 6 months I started to get that question. You know the one, "When are you going to stop breastfeeding her?" It bothered me. Why were people expecting me to stop feeding my child? Why did they think this beautiful relationship needed to end? I was committed to making it past 12 months. One full year of mama milk. But I was also committed to breastfeeding my daughter as long as she thought we should. That became my answer. When she tells me she's ready to stop. I don't care if you breast or bottle feed your baby. I don't care if you use a cover when breastfeeding or if you do it out in the open. I do care that you feed your child and I trust each mother out there to make the best decision for herself and her baby. I do care that mom and baby are both comfortable when baby is eating. I do care that women's rights aren't violated (which happens far too often).

The reason I like to share pictures occasionally... well there are a few reasons. The first is, my breasts are not sexual objects. They were MADE to feed Everly. That is literally their purpose. They were made for her and I am proud that I'm able to use them that way. I also share pictures so other women know that it's okay to be a little more open about breastfeeding. It's a perfectly natural, normal thing. Every time I breastfeed in public I get a few strange looks. That doesn't stop me. I will always put my daughters needs first and if she needs to eat I feed her. I share pictures because I'm proud of us. Really, I'm proud of Everly. She does all the hard work and she grows beautifully because of it. But mostly I share pictures because breastfeeding is amazing. 

I treasure my breastfeeding relationship with Everly. It has been nothing but magical. I've had some aches, some pains, some sleepless nights because my sick baby only wanted to breastfeed. There are times I realize life would be so much easier if she wasn't quite so dependent on me. And yet we've found a way to always make it work. We've found a way to keep going. I hope she wants to breastfeed for many months to come but I also know that when she decides she's done it will be okay. It will be gone before I'm ready and I know I'll miss it when she's finished. Until then I'm going to soak up every lovely moment of this part of our lives. 

xo Sue

PS. Read more thoughts on breast & bottle feeding babies.

Did you see it?
Did you see the Magic Moon?
It was breathtaking.

xo Sue

I know, these photos go against cardinal blog rule #1- always use great photos. But I don't care. 

Today I want to talk about body love. There was a time in my life I would have been SO ashamed of this body. I would have hidden it and made excuses and I definitely wouldn't have put a bikini on this body. Why not? Because it's not perfect.

Growing up I never gave any thought to body image. I was a girl and that's about as far as I'd thought. When I reached middle school I had a few friends who were obsessed with weight. They were constantly "dieting" and always called themselves fat. I was the same size or smaller than them so I made the conclusion that if they were fat then I must be too. The logic of a 13 year old girl. Instead of talking to my mother about it (or anyone) I started to hate my reflection in the mirror. Sure, there were days I thought I was pretty, but for the most part I didn't like the girl looking back at me. I was overly critical of myself and always saw my flaws. Now that I look back at pictures from that time I think WHAT FLAWS? That one tiny zit? I was very hard on myself. And I know that I'm not alone. So many girls and women hate what they see when they look in a mirror. That is SO SAD to me.

My shift came when I was pregnant with Everly. I looked in the mirror and saw my growing belly and I realized it could be another reason to hate myself, or I could LOVE that beautiful belly that was holding my daughter. I chose the latter. It was a conscious choice and one that I had to make every time I looked in the mirror. I didn't always make the right choice, but I did most of the time. When I found out I was having a baby girl I knew I had to be better for her. Everly deserves a mom who loves herself and especially loves her body. She deserves to grow up knowing that she is beautiful no matter what she weighs or how "perfect" she looks.

This body of mine, this after-baby body, is beautiful. I can look at these pictures and point out flaws or I can look at them and think about how strong and powerful that body is. I can do so much. I have so much. And I am grateful for this body. A few extra pounds, a small blemish on my skin, none of that matters. What really matters is that I appreciate this body I have. I appreciate what a gift it is. I want Everly to know that being a woman is a wonderful thing and loving your body can come easily if you just embrace yourself completely.

Flaws, perfection, it's all the same really.

xo Sue

PS Read more about loving myself.